My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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