you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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