wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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