Non-Jews are for practice
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
