Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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