I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
