i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
