Apparently you make a good broom.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
