I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
