before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My penis needs a shock collar
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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