you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
