i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
