I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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