What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
