I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
