remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
