i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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