how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
