apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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