I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
