dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
