Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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