I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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