I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
