just tell him i said nine months
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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