hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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