I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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