did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
