Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
