why didn't you poke me back
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
