I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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