I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
