he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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