did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
