its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
