I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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