i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
