I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
