No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
