I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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