big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
