i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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