Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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