Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
