Whod you bang
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
