Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
