brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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