Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
