will power is for people who don't want to get laid
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
