finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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