By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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