69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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